I feel disconnected, I've been desensitized to violence, I have little hope for the future and I'm narcissistic enough- the only thing that's special about Mr. Rodgers is that he did these terrible things. This is the point I would like to make; we remember bad news and bad guys. We live in an America that gives the ugly and the depraved the most stage time. This man will be remembered and that might be why he did it. Invisible in a world where money makes the man and women are dolls for men to buy- his bitterness is all around us.
I've been yelled at for telling strange men not to touch me, I feel like a prostitute when I wear a skirt because of the way men holler. I am afraid of expressing my sexuality for fear it will be used against me. I make sure the world knows I'll go out fighting and biting. Fear. It is everywhere.
We have stopped feeding the wolf of love and the wolf of hate and fear is a gluttonous monster. Most people do not have good emotional connections in their lives. This is what should worry us, we spend more time texting then looking into the eyes of our friends and lovers. We don't call people anymore. We treat sex as an accomplishment and we nearly worship monsters.
Why did he do it. Who cares. He killed people out of ineptitude- his is the extreme expression of the hard emotions many face everyday. Why aren't we all crazed killers? What do we have that these monsters don't? Faith, family and friends?
If we actually gave a shit as to why we see so many murders in America maybe just maybe we would try to change the way we live, love and teach. We could shift our focus, create communities and make heroes instead of monsters. But that doesn't sell ad spots- does it? What do you watch- does it make you feel good? Angry? Frustrated?
We are so easily aroused by the 'dark side' because nobody wants to talk about it in a real and healthy way. Ours is a society of repression. I thank god (light, the universe, energy) and my parents everyday for the strength I have, the strength it takes to look at my dark side with open and curious eyes. It may be scary, there will be tears but in the end you will have a friend in yourself and you will know love unconditional.
I'm not saying I've got it down but I know for my generation at least his experience of the world was in no way unique.
I'm tired of living in a world where honesty is shunned and manipulation pays the bills, success is a number and self worth is an outfit. I pretend I don't live in that world and I know there are no absolutes but fear is omnipresent. Fear keeps us working at jobs we hate and buying things we don't need.
I have fear about how I will survive with integrity and self respect. I know there is a way and I tell myself everyday, "The universe is unfolding as it should".
Something is going to change because we can't afford this America.